Stacy "[Add nickname]" J.'s Profile

I joke that Americanized Chinese food is basically meat donuts: chicken that's battered, deep-fried and covered with a sugary sauce.

Which, of course, is nothing like the Chinese food I ate while growing up, which is simpler, subtler, way less saucy. And, we didn't use soy sauce like it was ketchup.

But, I'm not a snob. When I order Chinese delivery, I know what I'm getting: variations of the meat donut, greasy noodles, veggies drowning in a cornstarch-thickened sauce, plastic-wrapped fortune cookies, and some soy sauce packets with the wonton font on it. Their main customers are white, and they're giving them what they want.

Why do I submit to the dumbing down of Chinese cuisine? Well, I'm wearing my pajamas, farting on the couch and watching Project Runway, I didn't have to pull a pot out of the pantry, and yet I'm eating a hot meal. And, I don't have to do the dishes later. God bless America.

I've conceded that if you want the real deal, you can't get it delivered to you. And, maybe that's OK. I don't expect Chapeau! and Aziza to deliver. The highest expectations I should have for delivered food is cheap, hot and fast.

Still, I wondered: couldn't I get Chinese delivery that's less saucy? Something neither fried and oily, nor fried and sweet?

I got a menu for Golden Chopsticks in the mail and noticed they had items not on your usual Chinese meat donut places. Frog in clay pot. Ong choy. Jook! Tomatoes and beef. And what the hell is thick soup ramen? Whatever, they deliver!

I live with and love a white man, so I didn't go buck wild with frog and jook. We tried the following: pot stickers, general's chicken, filet of cod with tender greens, chinese broccoli with garlic and, from their limited dim sum selection, pork dumplings.

The dim sum thing was a mistake, but I kinda felt that coming. It was pretty clearly frozen gyoza from Costco. I think every Chinese restaurant within five blocks of Ton Kiang feels like they have to offer dim sum, even if they're not interested in making it. So, I'll give them a pass on that.

But, the rest of the food was surprisingly delicious. Their version of the meat donut was crisp and not overly sauced. The fish was NOT over-cooked, which is difficult when you're doing delivery. The Chinese broccoli wasn't greasy. The serving size was huge, too: the food took up the whole square container and was piled up high. And, I think delivery only took 20 minutes.

Definitely the highest-quality Chinese delivery I've had in this neighborhood. Can you get better, more authentic Chinese food in a sit-down place? Definitely yes, even in the same neighborhood, heck probably even in Golden Chopsticks if you went there and sat down. But, if you consider the physical and time restraints of delivered food and the whole in-pajamas-on-the-couch paradigm which we must not disrupt, Golden Chopsticks fulfills my needs.

It's a Chinese bakery that replaced Wirth Brothers, which is a relief. Because I loved the old-school-y Wirth Brothers sign, but the stale pastries were made in the same decade as the sign, and every neighborhood needs a good cake dispensary, even if its spongy Chinese cake.

I bought a slice each of the choco cake and the strawberry shortcake and a BBQ pork bun. The pork bun wasn't piping hot, or even warm, so I wonder when it was made, but it was very meaty! I prefer a higher meat:gravy ratio, so this was perfect.

I'll come back for a cake review later...

Update: on my way to work, I grabbed another pork bun and it was warm and delicious.

The aforementioned cakes were pretty good, they get the job done. I kinda knew I was getting with the strawberry shortcake (fluffy cake + whipped cream), but I wasn't sure what to expect with the chocolate cake. Would it be buttercream? Choco-flavored whipped cream? It ended up being closer to the latter and not too sweet. I still prefer Schubert's chocolate cake (our wedding cake!), which is rich and decadent.

And now, First Cake will experience its most difficult challenge: my mother. I'll be bringing some First Cake cake to ma's birthday party. Heaven help them.

Update Numero Dos: Mom-approved. She praised the abundance of fruit in the mixed fruit cake. She also approved of the price point, which was about $19 if I remember correctly. Because that's a Chinese mom rule: no cake can be so delicious that you pay more than $20 for it.

So, at some point AK Meats switched owners and a happy Asian family is running the place now. They kept the same sandwich guys, so the sandwiches have suffered none in the transition.

The last couple of times I bought meat here, however, it didn't last longer than a day or two in the refrigerator. I used to buy our meats for the week from here, but if the chicken breast can't make it past Tuesday, then I have to go elsewhere.

I was underwhelmed by the smoked salmon sandwich. For $8 (plus tip!), I expect something substantial, or to be slapped in the mouth with culinary genius. I received neither substance nor a slap.

Working Girl Cafe has bigger, and Cafe Madeleine has better, and both do it cheaper down the block. Mixt Greens gives you a sandwich + salad for $9.

It wasn't a bad sandwich, mind you, but it's more of a $5 light lunch sandwich. You ever go to Italy and see the paninis stacked up behind the glass? Really good bread with maybe one slice of meat and cheese? Because it's like this afternoon snack you have with your espresso or whatever? It's like that.

But, for $8, I was expecting the world and more, and I was disappointed.

Still, maybe I shouldn't've have had the girl sandwich. I'm willing to give them another shot because they were super-quick.

They were offering free donuts and coffee during the grand opening this weekend, so off I went.

Lots of surprisingly decent furniture on the 1st floor. There's a "boutique" (complete with quotation marks) on the 2nd floor with some of their nicer things for a higher-than-thrift prices. I picked up a pressure cooker for $50 there that usually goes for $70.

I totally SCORED with a powder blue tweed coat for $10.50.

I saw a complete set of commemorative Star Trek plates and a  commemorative Luke Skywalker plaque. I saw about a dozen acoustic guitars, exactly one banjo, and one of those geometrically-shaped electric guitars that looked like it should be in a video for Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam.

Bikes for $99.

What I love is that there's a parking lot in the back, so you can haul all your junk to donate and not play the double-parking game all us Richmond folk must play.

I like the yogurt a lot, really clean, strong and creamy. I'm a minimalist when it comes to toppings, so I just get the mochi and I think they give just the right amount. I get a ball or two with every bite. (Slurp? What's the word for a unit of frozen dessert consumption? I digress.)

But, it's the slowest moving line ever. And the room is mysteriously ten degrees warmer than the outside. And the type is really small on the screens. I kinda feel like I'm at the post office, or a modern art installation at MOMA where they entice you with the specter of dessert in the distance, but make you bodily uncomfortable for 10-15 minutes before the reward. Are we merely post-modern rats in a shiny, white plastic labyrinth? Do the green spoons represent our ennui? Do the clear plastic chairs make it all ironic?

But, about the line. Here's how slow the line is: I saw a lady flip out at the counter because she apparently called ahead her order for frozen yogurt and the cashier would not tolerate her line-cutting.

I've never heard of anyone calling ahead for such an easily dispensed product. I don't even see how this could work because wouldn't your fro yo start melting while waiting for your arrival?

But, she dared and someone must've taken her order. And then, she cut ahead and flipped out X-Men-style when the cashier would not honor her call ahead order. God bless that cashier, though, because she countered every verbal blow with one of her own.

So, it's really a 3-star fro yo, but +1 for having the cojones to stand up to crazy mofo's who make call-ahead orders for highly perishable products. Perhaps, So Green should just find a way to speed up that line, though.

I took Steve J. to dinner here last night for his birthday. I had asked for a nice table in my OpenTable reservation and they seated us right by the window. When the restaurant started filling up, I realized the window seats were the best seats in the house because all the other tables are lined up right next to each other. The window seats are autonomous island states away from the fray and far more private.

Food? Delicious. Gorgeous. Three courses left me stuffed. I have no idea how authentic it is, if you care about this kind of thing. I'll say this: Chapeau knows what to do with potatoes. Num.

Service? Professional, charming and leisurely. Three courses took 2 hours. That's a long time for dinner, folks. But, I really didn't feel like I had to wave down anybody.

Your fellow patrons? The class interplay in the Richmond always fascinates me: Clement St is this DMZ between the well-heeled folks living north of California St and the unwashed masses living south of Geary Blvd, and these groups tend to gravitate toward separate businesses along Clement. As you might imagine, the well-heeled flock to Chapeau.

Overall, worth another visit. We might try doing the early bird special one of these days.

This is the 3rd and latest Italian restaurant on this stretch of Clement. All 3 of them are neighborhood restaurants, meaning that the food is competently prepared and consistent, and the service is warm and friendly, but not worth driving across town for.

So, in broad strokes: Ernesto's is Italian-American fatty comfort food. Mescolanza is fancy-pants Italian, but not foodie-level fancy-pants. Tiziano is somewhere in the middle, and still finding its identity, I think.

The food was not large and cheesy like at Ernesto's, which I find overwhelming at times. It didn't have the pronounced seasonal flavors of Mescolanza's menu, though. So, if you're not in the mood for drowning yourself in creamy pasta, why would you come here instead of Mescolanza? It's about 25% cheaper for solid food.

I thought it was a bit odd that they had like 5 daily specials. There was a risotto of the day, steak of the day, soup of the day, etc. Maybe they're still experimenting with the menu and seeing what sticks.

Dessert was farmed out or Costco, I think, but that isn't unusual for this part of town.

Service was excellent, I felt. Genuine, attentive, but not intrusive. Overall, it felt like a hole-in-the-wall you found down an alleyway in Sienna that only the locals go to. So, definitely go if you're in a 10-block radius, but skip it if you're farther out.

Here's what I liked about Mochi:

- online appointments! My decision to book a massage is pretty spontaneous, and I don't love doing this in my open office cube.

- beautiful space! Who's sick of blue + brown combo? Not me!

- Winnie the massage therapist! Fun, bubbly person.

- unsolicited glute work! I hesitate to direct a massage therapist to spend a lot of time on the butt in fear of seeming like a big perv, but I sit all day at work. Of course I want some time spent in that area. Winnie did.

- not greasy! Winnie used a lotion that left me scentless and grease-free. I can see this being useful for folks who need to head back to the office after an appointment.

I can't point to anything that was wrong, it just wasn't a 5-star out-of-body experience for me during my first appointment. However, I wouldn't hesitate to book another appointment.

I know you shouldn't judge a sushi place by their chicken teriyaki, but Steve J. doesn't eat fish and so I feel a sushi lunch is a gift from an indulgent husband. (kiss, kiss) I can't in good conscience insist on a particular sushi joint that has fantastic sushi, but crappy teriyaki or tempura.

So, the teriyaki? Pretty good. It has a good char, but they have a heavy hand on the sauce.

The sushi, however, is far superior to Kitaro, the more popular neighbor a couple of doors down. The fish has that melty quality. And the service was not rushed and really friendly.

If I'm not in a big hurry at lunch, I would definitely come back.